Melancholy and Euphoria

Existence comes with many beauties, the first of which I call duality. Some could argue that such a thing does not exist, to whom I ask 'how do you explain the two sides of the same coin?' Sunset and sunrise, night and day, every gloomy weather condition and sunshine, love and hate and happiness and sadness. I accept them for what they are, that being said that doesn't mean that I refrain from lashing out. I too let my happiness out, it comes in appreciation.

Life life life, give me your hand, place the other on my shoulder.

Let me lead the way, I feel you stepping on my toes, treading on my shoes.

You woeful foe, you boisterous breeze, you absolute sleaze.

I love that you get a kick from making me bleed.

Pushing me to the edge, one sided fights, my escapes at night.

The newfound comfort in solitude, its reoccurrence reiterating assurance.

The beauty of light, you could never deny me.

The darkness looms, the sky surrounds me.

Euphoria in the art and expressions of another.

On the way to ‘mending a broken heart’, I’ll give it all I’ve got.

Pauper, I’ve spent every penny on what I thought was a genie.

I genuinely gave what I thought was the best me.

A better me, I see the growth, I know I’m the threat to me.

Oh baby, to dance with emotions, I love the motion, I feel alive.

The validation, the knowledge of an inevitable, unfathomable answers to questions of comfort.

I want so much, my nigga, I want so little.

11 - 12/10/21

The wells have dried up.

The fountains of youth draw nearer to the truth that we all shrivel up.

I shiver as I grab ignorance and blanket up, cowering.

So close to flowering, then the climate changed and winter came.

Covered fools hiding from inconsolable dooms, I embrace the rain, sleet, snow and hail.

Once upon a time I slept through hurricanes, discussions about Harry Kane stat padding, PS party with the mandem laughing and some honeys, became the happily ever after for now.

I have the weight of expectation of myself weighing down on me and my knees are about to buckle.

I laugh in pairs, getting into hoarding money and trees like there's no tomorrow.

I chuckle at what's expected, what I become lies within my hands, son of Samson my strength lies in my hair.

Reality within a crown, my fate lies within my head.

Oh Delilah, how delightful, I call life by many things when she’s being spiteful.

When I perceive you to be unfair, when my life’s energy equivalent exchange is pain.

The machine might break but you will never disperse the energy.

Like all beautiful things you allure me,

like all great experiences you amuse you,

like all great plays there's bound to be a tragedy.

49585 - 03/12/21

Self loathing, maybe I should sell clothing.

Oversized tees dripped in blood, for a head band I wear a crown of thorns and my backpack be a cross.

At crossroads in life like where the map at?

Back to back arcs of trials and tribulations but I still make time to smile and turn up with the homies like we one nation.

One love and the passions not quite right, there is a concoction of feelings dormant within me and with the right catalyst it might just ignite.

I be bubbly, there are things that trouble me but like that blonde dressed in blue that power puff set me free.

384756 - 15/01/22

Arose to a pool of sweat,

It’d be better to place them flowers is a vase I ain’t dead yet.

Don’t place them around me.

The earth is saturated with my loved ones.

The muddy paste which is the dirt overflowing with my tears is about to make me smile.

Open up wide and swallow me whole.

Cries from the abyss, my voice falls on the deaf ears of the shadows.

It’d be better if there was an echo, this silence is defeatist.

This life might defeat us.

Baby I am a foetus, I hope my cells stem.

2022 and the world is still playing Cell games like,

WHAT IS YOUR GENETIC MAKEUP? I’M ONTO YOU!

Ain’t that strange, I thought death was the enemy?

That underlying factor, the common denominator.

Ready, set - Go!

405050 - 26/02/22

Been angry and sad all day, started off okay, concluded by diving into the motions.

Pasting over the same shit, ain't I already had a copy of these feelings?

Was ignoring them the remedy I used then? Should I get Xiu Li to get me some Chinese herbal?

I apologise to Vicki and my guests. I should have taken a page from the Wiki on common courtesy.

I’m getting tired of doing this, the words are robotic and I have no manner of satisfaction.

I’m satisfied by the time I get home, I’m wasting my life in search of capital.

Common factors drive us, I’m looking to be the least common denominator.

I could never be employee of the month, the norm min, @8, there’ll be two hours left.

Dancing with the different facets of genome, these addictive tendencies are me homes.

At times I DESPISE LIFE, at times I hate her. I place my tongue in, she takes all my saliva.

I plead with her, Swiper no swiping!

880027 - 10/04/22

Lol it’s cold, I need a hug.

It’s lonely, I need drugs.

I might roll up into a ball on this rug and wail.

Tie my dreads in a bun, then set sail.

I set the bar too high, I’m having to pole vault now.

Poor vault, my vocabulary’s running short.

The items I held in that safety deposit box keeps vanishing.

From my right eye runs a stream, I’m crying for no reason.

I’m battling treachery.

I’ve got tears and trees in abundance.

I will share with you my psyche, I weep not.

John 11:35.

I’ll share with you my sidekick.

Placing love in envelopes, I let my side chick lick the gum.

Casting reels, hook up culture fucked up my fishing trip.

Recounting reels, I envy no one but myself.

Wasting my days on social media.

I see beautiful women, them just pictures.

I’m alive in this moment, this just a segment.

An ant on the canvas, I’m standing in pastilles.

The blues look jaded, am I sure its not past teal?

The colours are vivid standing here on the canvas.

I fail to see the bigger picture.

101000 - 29/04/22

Babe, I’m battling melancholy.

Slapping his head, the padding of his dreads reverberated a shushed thud as she continued and said, ‘Why are you fighting women who aren’t me?

'I don’t know.'

Dropping the piece of clothing she was folding, she grabbed his head and said, ‘you better win, I need you here.’

Arms wrapped tightly around his crown as his face lay on her stomach, on her womb.

Battling melancholy, the many voices of my friends distract me.

Giving time to being, we ask about each others days as we congregate in the evening on PlayStation.

A safe haven, a place where your insecurities get bantered, like man up.

Past love’s brought up and discussed, like I still miss her.

Playing Apex, missing shots.

I miss the ignorance of youth, I curse knowledge a lot.

202040 - 20/05/22

I need a hug.

That’s not easily accessible but I can get my hands on drugs?

Look at his self destruction.

Look at his self distraction.

Constantly looking inward, I put the I in introspection.

My heart is heavy and my mind won't stop working unless its off the ecstasy.

Relations wont do shit for me.

I’ve got my ex right next to me, and in that glass jar lies another.

Toke marks the spot, I toke a lot.

Life took my muse and now I abuse my feelings, constantly in em.

I wish for a great escape.

I wish I could relate, I miss living.

I miss when doing wrong was fun, done wrong so much I cant differentiate between spontaneous combustion and combusting spontaneously.

I would trade in all my escapades of passion, being in and out of her guts and feeling like the man to have your prayers.

My days are numbered, so why does my soul sway so much?

8993 - 29/05/22

Sense of unease, who knew that the westerly breeze was so fraught.

Travelling just made home seem soo much farther.

Caught in the comforts of shade, the apple fell near the tree.

How can I take root where he stood? Doing the same things expecting change.

Travelling down route 66 wondering if I were to add one more would this be a highway to hell?

Is there a right way to fall?

If the cards are stacked against me do I fold?

Diamond in the rough, I’m a Jack of Clubs.

Dying due to neglect, I’m the runt of the cubs.

She threw me a curveball, do I bunt?

My head is in the sky, I’m always soo blunt.

Feeling unsafe in England, in Moroc I took naps on the beaches.

Why am I so unwelcome, water remains abundant but I have never been so thirsty.

It rains day in and out, never had I have a drought last this long.

Wanting an out, yet having no strikes.

Striking for rights, knowing that an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

Blinded by light, knowing that sinners cannot see the Son.

Heung-min, oh to be human.

Oh to be humoured.

8884949 - 05/04/23

Thinking because breathing is free.

Light seeps between the curtains as a new day dawns.

The lines becomes thinker.

I’m drawn into my reality where the etching seem bleak.

Jobless and the only routine I have is the gym and job searching.

Wanting to work for myself, wanting to work on my health.

My mind is too far gone.

Living in spite, Luffy’s to my right while Emilia looks down on me.

Son of St. Lucia so you know I sleep under the flag.

If all goes well, I’ll soon sleep under the sun.

I am destined to lay amongst earth worms, maybe that’s why I’m up.

Tossing. Turning. Tosser.

Masturbation would just be a distraction.

I’ve thrown stones from glass houses.

I’ve made them skip over waters.

Seeing now the rippling effects, singing Ring-a-Ring-a-Roses.

Praying not for the Black Death, but I feel so alive at night.

5887553 - 20/05/23

What is loving?

I’m drunk on Sunday evening.

I’m super bad.

I need some McDonald’s, I need some McLovin.

I need hugs and kisses, I should sober up.

Playing noughts and crosses.

I waited at the zebra although the light was green.

My head is in the sky, all I see is forests.

In Notts in search of Robin.

Asked Walks if burglary was the best way to get rich?

Dressed in theses hoods, I ain’t seen my neighbours in a minute.

I mean it,

Asked her to spit in my mouth because I wanted to taste her existence.

What does it mean to be rich?

Wait till I find my plane, wait till I find my platform.

Always dressed in black & white, my heart is grey.

But that’s just painting me plain.

Nikka, nigga, negus, genius.

Within my genome is both sin & greatness.

73859959 - 25/06/23