Diluted Spirituality

It's been two years since I gave up soft drinks, I drink only water and juice. I've been diluting my spirituality since 16 and I couldn't be further from the truth. She brought me to you, to give you up is to let her go too. Clinging on to the hope of an afterlife, my faith won't get me there. It wanders lost like a black kite in the night's sky. The closest I'll get to heaven is to reach the summit of Mt. Everest, the closest I'll get to an everlasting life if through my writings.

RIP AW.

Little kids getting cheffed now huh?

Seems like it's a race to see how far we can stray from God.

I know about being lost, raised SDA.

I’ve strayed from the Lord.

Fucked and dodged strays but for some reason he kept me here.

Cruel Terra.

Game of Thrones.

Winters coming yet it’ll be a sunny December.

Tryna make you aware of cultural change like Greta Thunberg.

I’ll wear a crown of thorns and bear the weight like the Lord did.

I try to walk with Christ, born to sin so I know the light.

Named Cassim origin Arabic and it means the one who distributes.

So it's no gimmick, like JC born with it.

There's no other way for me now.

Back to the topic, have we lost it?

Lock down really fucked up our mental state.

The general census now is divide, conquer and hate.

I’m preaching, I don’t mean to but that shit really hit me.

13-15 year old lives are corrupted, 12 years lost forever.

Lord be with these kids, I know society never prepared a place for em.

0895 - 29/11/21

Shout out to Yahweh, been here going through it.

I’ll have it all your way.

Let's see what you already know is to come.

Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

I mostly host pretty girls, drugs and hoes.

Your word touched me, in the pleasure I lost me.

Then I called it even.

There is nothing greater than, yet still the tiny sums are adding up.

So close to a summary,

‘The purpose of this research was to explore the relationship between x and y.

Results found that asking why your ex left had a nigga in his feelings’

There’s a hole in my chest, can it be filled by holiness?

3845* - 04/12/21

Pace pace pace, my nigga call me Mbappe.

Yahweh made the world in 7 days.

In 6 more I would have lived a week more and be that closer to death and enlightenment.

Two sides of the same coin.

Spending change in an effort to live in the best ways, I’m being swindled if £9.80 is the exchange for an hour of my life.

I’d much rather be making it shorter by blowing smoke signals to the Lord to bring me home.

He’s out here doing up John 3:16, ‘that where I am, there ye may be there also.’

I can't go yet. I ain't seen Oslo, I’ve been to Newcastle, I ain’t seen Tokyo.

Mr been living vicariously through anime.

Rowan Atkinson, I bee neglecting reality.

They are just force feeding us depravity and twisted agendas.

My life isn’t more important than theirs and neither is theirs than mine.

Hierarchical society, my rights are being invaded.

Is this an Iraqi war sim?

394058 - 06/03/22

Man makes plans and you laugh like what's the situation?

Did you not allow it or could the efforts I have made toward it still be deemed inaction?

Me, inactive?

Grandma taught me that you only help those who help themselves.

So are the damned fucked, and if not for my will to live would I be dead?

Contemplations of ‘what if’ around greenery and scenery.

I’d need to do better if this is my version of Park Life.

How much free will is there?

If I did hands free while cycling and closed my eyes then asked you to be there,

Would you?

JC take the wheel, them JBL's can't drown out the sound of my thinking.

How is it going to concoct corruption to rhythm, you be reading the soliloquies.

You know my fate, this letter to you is nothing new you were expecting it.

I expect to see your response in my life, this isn’t a challenge.

I’m an introvert who loves teamwork but why am I trying to convince?

You know my heart, you know my sins.

746363 - 15/03/22

Riding past Sycamore Street, looking up to the sky for the Lord I wanted to see.

Two facts about me, I know trees and I know taxes.

The weight of life on my psyche is damning, eternal slumber might not be enough to pay it off.

I scoff seeing money gone due to taxes, money spent on taxis.

I’m between home and memory foam, I’ll soon be loam.

Paid back all my loans, I’ll soon be broke.

395005 - 22/03/22

Words, words, words.

I remember the masses, the preacher, the sermon and service.

Deaf ears trying their best to conceptualise the saviour.

Failing to savour.

Failing to summon a better spiritual being, doing his words a disservice.

I live with synonyms.

Teacher and preacher are the same thing, look at Christ.

Emzy and Chis are the same person, look at family.

Got my back like he lent me his halo.

I’ve almost drowned thrice.

I’m obsessed with the waters, you gave life, you cleanse souls.

WHEN IT RAINS IS WHEN I FEEL WHOLE.

The heavens weeping and my heart is heavy.

My psyche goat, my psyche Messi.

I’ve got the memories of when I was 10, I’m closer to 30, I’ve almost had 2 sons.

In Lumeria, there’ll be two suns, spirituality and the great darkness.

So far from a social awakening like there’s awareness, naah that just niggas retweeting.

Stuck behind technology, I’m a slave too.

My blood is red and the restrictions of being a biological being means that I one day too will rest my head.

The game is weary, two foot tackle and the ref claiming play on it ain’t a foul.

‘If I speak, I’m in big trouble’ like there be an agenda against Chelsea.

Hermits seek shells, I seek health like I be sick, I need a bosom.

I see reflections, did mention I’m obsessed with detail and my favourite peas are lentils?

I could lend tales of escapades and live vicariously through their stories.

'Damn, at least you got to the end of that trial.'

Now I got my entrails on the floor, I’m no longer moored by my need to eat.

I experience life.

I TAKE IN THE MOMENT LIKE THE MOMENT SAVVY.

84995 - 13/04/22

The lines between reality and dreams are so thin.

Within this contextual plane, it's plain as day I won't make it over the mountain.

I need a plateau to land on, flight 370 I've come out of hiding.

Sike!

Y’all were never intent on finding.

Cash landed in the ocean, do you know how vast she is?

I could dive, stroke and swim and still not provide her sufficient length.

Dipping 7 times, I’m Naaman.

I’m a layman whose heart is crooked.

I’ll forgive them 70x7.

490, because he never denied me so how could I deny you all?

That was a metaphor, I met a pharaoh once.

Walking along the nile, she and I conversed as our eyes crossed paths and locked.

Emerald tablets, with her view of the word she started engraving my ruby heart.

9395 - 16/04/22

Started drifting from prayers when I was 16, add 10 to that.

That's how many years Christ has been with me.

Now I got the fear of Christ instilled in me, doing dūa.

Sinning on this dunyā I know my wrongs are tallied.

I know about choosing pleasures and going hard in what I indulge.

Ask Tally, baby ask Lulah.

For the X time in as many days, they’re digits.

They be animated, you need an antagonist?

I can play that position.

I be versatile, that last verse is another floor decoration.

Almost done with the walls of this room.

A room for solitude, I mean to cry yet my eyes are dry.

I got bags under em too.

They be lactating and my soul can't let out the anguish that be turning me to satan.

I chose sin because I thought it might make me feel better.

I chose to fuck her cause I appreciate her, my words do so little.

My body behind each stroke is the bristle of the brush.

The sheets are our canvas, and positions only do so much in expressing my deepest desires.

I appreciate thots too, what is human existence?

What is sentience?

If my days are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, then what is my purpose?

85950* - 17/04/22

Job satisfaction and inaction.

The manager's off for the weekend, I’m the director and the actor.

I be both the problem and solution.

I fixed the problem, removing me from the equation was the solution.

Hoping this solvent dissolves into a solution.

I be canoeing solo, about to down it one time.

I’m drowning.

If I gave Christ my life while dying, could you call that death by baptism?

Would my soul be saved or in my final moments was I still not genuine?

I love fucking with Jenny like I love fucking with capricorns.

Messi’n with goats, that ‘baa baa’ black sheep shit couldn’t reach ‘meeh.'

I be saying it out loud in hope that you reach 'meh'.

I KNOW RIGHT AND I KNOW WRONG, they’re just contemplations.

I've just copped my plate too.

I’m temperamental and you’ll know I’m throwing a tantrum when I air you.

A BLACK HOLE, A BLACK HOE.

My prerogative was to consume you.

I want nobody, searching within everybody for a replacement for that hole she left in me.

Unconditional love is priceless, I wish I knew nothing of prices.

Paying the cost of living, playing the game of sinning and I’m winning (losing).

848494 - 30/04/22

I wanted it until I had it, I’m not searching for companionship.

My heart wants you today.

My head wants tranquillity, I need to be in the right mood to do this dance.

She’s taking the lead, I’m following in her footsteps.

I’m back tracking over that tread pathway, throwing the predators off our trail.

I’m dancing while drunk on melancholy.

Wine glass in hand and the rooms spinning around me.

Centre of the universe, I’m the star Polaris.

I was once plagued by insecurities, scar that.

Showing affection to what I hate, showing appreciation in the way I ate.

Its now 25 minutes to 8 and I’m sat on this train contemplating greatness and insanity.

Tomorrow will be Saturday, I should honour the sabbath.

My thoughts of my days being numbered are synonymous with a lack of spirituality.

Even Jesus wept, by not crying am I stronger than Christ?

If I were to die for my nigga, would I have achieved his level of love?

Falling short, in a full court man to man press and I’m point guard marking the centre.

I placed my head on a weather balloon, I can finally see over the horizon.

0000* - 20/05/22

Memories make me.

I can recall ever smile and frown.

I remember when the homie and I shed tears to the support we thought we had around us.

25th 25th, separated by 7.

Battling existential crisis on a daily, that’s 24 followed by the aforementioned.

26 treading water, Jesus walked across it.

He and I share the same birthday, he wept more than I did.

Doing pagan dances, I’m moonwalking out of Sodom and Gomorrah.

On Noah’s ark I asked the dove to bring me back some reefer.

Being SDA and her being my grandmother means I now have Christ in me.

The crisis is I chose pleasure because resistance is futile.

I wash my sins down with brandy, I’m annulled by Cristal.

Letting ties blow in the wind, they’re not as tangible as my dreads.

You were once a constant thought, you’re no longer connected to my head.

637374 - 14/02/23

Troubled waters, white foam beaches and humped mammals.

Pro surfer, non swimmer, I know turbulence leads to a shaky foundation.

Philippians being instilled in me means I can do all things through Christ.

Asking rhetorical questions, how many lives have you taken?

Synonymous with breathing, synonymous with drowning.

I know you wash away sins, so have the souls that you claimed been granted salvation?

Salivating at the prospect of an eternal life, knowing that the blind cannot see the Son.

The sand in between my feet, can I really call this solid ground?

The famous risk-reward equation.

Being by the sea meant that I could build a fortress.

Lacking the appropriate resources meant that it soon crumbled.

Asking for a pardon, striking the rock when I am parched.

Raising my staff and splitting in half over the question of religious reverence or physical pleasures.

You may lead the children through the desert but you will not enter the promised land.

488853 - 26/03/23

Father I want to thank you for bringing us here.

For the pigment in my skin and discrimination I face.

I wouldn’t be half then nigga I am without it.

Having brothers in Hudayfa, Waseem and Saif.

Kala, kufr speaking with Allah daily.

I know Jesus walks with me, alay-hi 's-salām.

To the present and the aforementioned.

Wishing peace upon my loved ones, Sule told me to remain righteous.

Sullying my existence, I should read the Bible.

I should read the Quran and the Torah.

By Esra, I’ll be in Jordan.

Washing away my sins in the river.

I’ll dip 7 times, 70.

Letting them back in although they wronged me, my Naaman heart is faulty.

You promised 3 score and 10, heaven better be an accepting place.

I can’t do this forever.

Hell better be warm as shit, I grow colder by the moment.

And in purgatory, let me find non-existence.

I lived nonchalantly, truly feeling but not acting on it.

Always in my head, this was the second take.

465752* - 06/05/23