Eternally yours, AJG.

Where do I start if I know not where to stop? It flows like water from a fountain, I'm drowning within the ocean of my emotions and perception. I'm addicted to living, in a rush to die. I believe in grounding, walking barefoot through the valley of the shadows of existence. I give to you my sobbing words, my lack of emotional expression from a bitch of a son.

I write in similes.

I sometimes stutter when using metaphors.

I hope one day I metamorph.

I hope one day to grasp the truth.

A life of strife makes for a good book. 

I hope one day that I abel, will truly be there at the table.

Family, loved ones, those I’ve done wrong.

Break bread, shed tears and truly take in life’s true meaning.

An unrequited drive for immortality.

I’LL GIVE IT MY HEART, I’LL TAKE INSANITY.

Reality devoid of passion, people devoid of self truth, self awareness.

Let me not speak too loudly.

I’m selfish, I don’t return calls or texts, I think about you.

Bro bro, brodie.

Homie, you know home is where the heart be.

You in my prayers, you might be atheist so I hope my reiteration of these word at least pulls in the power of attraction.

8 - 12/10/21

Born pauper, paperback quarterly’s how they taught us.

I played noughts and crosses, tied knots and crossed waters.

Every Saturday we sang ‘Come Thou Fount’ as we asked for rivers.

Blessings flowed and he kept us safe, always delivered.

On your knees you prayed, THE GREAT DEMON SLAYER.

My day maker, my comforter in the summer, you scolded and moulded your boy.

An introvert at heart, you mended your grandson.

Time heals all, your presence precedes its short fall.

The great emancipator, time and space and the creator called.

I woke up that morning, hearing sobs and mourning.

Generational wealth, you planted the seed that took root.

Remember your creator in your youth, strive for truth and never stop growing.

Don’t forget to see the beauty, take time to look within me.

My nigga self reflect, don’t neglect time.

Accept your wrongs, where you’ve fallen short.

You’re beautiful, my nigga don’t fail to experience life.

14 - 15/10/21

Broken, broken, broken.

Baby I can only be mended with liquid gold.

I gathered my pieces and started assembling the statue as I recall.

Mind says that's a heart piece, heart says that those corners fit my state of mind.

I’m just trying to mend, the duality of spirituality and ego.

I've spoken with Christ, I can always call on my brother Chris.

One gives me advice based on the best of their experience.

The other says just take in the experience, ‘Always seek me.’

'Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth' said the beatitudes.

I once found comfort in platitudes, my attitude now is to mirror you.

I’m scared to die, I mean it's inevitable.

Laid back relaxing, my mind's racing thinking about the end.

So much to say, done so little in laying a foundation. I always found patience difficult.

‘I COULD DROP DOWN AND DIE RIGHT NOW’ says my mind in a panic.

I've lost my Muriel.

All these words are but a cheap folly of the mural of you painted in my mind.

Etched in passion, never to be washed away, crying can't even alleviate the pain.

Purple with black patches, my nigga call me Courage.

4946 - 23/11/21

This shit like a vocation, I need a vacation, I should fly out.

Vacate the premises, I've been handed eviction notices.

My macs waterlogged, my TV’s broken and I have an insatiable appetite for saving.

The Capricorn killed me, like I know capitalism and money are traded in for life energy.

I’m hoarding time, in an effort to reignite the best days of my life.

The love of my life came and was alright, passion for a bit then she left.

Things go differently and I’d had a son running past.

That's in the past son, I passed some and failed most.

Like lets go 90 days without sex, but I won't tell you tho.

Like let me go 90 without affirmations of faith.

I been living day to day, not praying, taking shit for granted like you didn’t just wake up? 

YOUR FAVOURITE NIGGA EVER IS DEAD, YOU REJOICE EVERYDAY YOU WAKE UP AND RETURN TO LAYING YOUR FUCKING HEAD. 

Get off my back, my nigga get off my shoulders.

Concussions like I bounced my head off the table, cranium bounced off a bumper.

Power header trait with no bunnies or jumpers.

I wanna see my nigga Lily, I miss my nigga Rill, really.

I did you wrong, can't turn back time, wrong you did I.

I’ll paint your name in immortality. 

26494 - 04/12/21

I need to talk to aunt Ura, she's like a mother to my mother, I need to protect your daughters.

Something about these women man, life really fought em.

You taught me, while life brought them hardships and misogyny.

Like I’m not one to preach, I see the lack of equality and the disparity from individual life to life.

But no equality between the two genders, that shit was there before black, brown and white.

On how many fronts are we fighting on? In font, I’ll put my mind on.

4848 - 09/12/21

Appy Birthday baby!!

I hope you enjoy this flow while a nigga inebriated.

Got me out here down in London in the turtle neck like you the blood in my veins.

Having a mad rush thru that aorta, so close to striking home a nigga might have a stroke like aunt Ura.

Heart rate matching BPM like I’m about to have an attack of the art like Muma.

So close to letting the flow catch me like, I’m ma fathers son I’ll dance alone, I’ll dance for all, I’ll dance for fun my nigga.

I’ve caught it, a little more alcohol and I’ll be so ignorant my nigga.

Like Appy Birthday Son!!

I’m glad I could share the day with you for once, like you wind me up, getting onto me, I know its all love, I’m sorry when I snap.

Got me triggered like I’m Tri-Gun, I tried black girls, now a niggas onto caucasian ones like you really invited blondies huh?

You know me huh?

You want me to have a good time nah son?

Say no more.

Appy Birthday I said it for the third time like I aim to hit the perfect trifecta.

You made it another year, hunnies and ignorant shit wit the niggas.

SQ - 11/12/21

I have always been sentimental.

Sentimental like granmumma cemented that foundation.

Sentimental like I sin till I’m mental.

Sentimental like I’m grateful to my ancestors for wearing those heavy metals.

Sentimental like some fun days were set up with coke and mentos. Those are just a memento of dumber times.

Sentimental like this monument that you were here.

Sentimental for all the times I wish you were here.

Sentimental like that shit always got my back.

Sentimental like my nigga you can’t have that back.

Sent him mental, like that was my last attachment to you.

Sentimental like I absorbed your personality but I still ain't got that faith you do.

Sentimental like you brought Christ to me, so I can't deny your legacy.

Sentimental like that shit be the truth, that shit be only for you.

25 - 19/12/21

Ain’t posted a sonnet in a moment which is an anomaly.

I normally be racking my brains tryna make sense of my environment while I hope for better days.

Putting my ill gotten gains in words as I perceive this world, its seasons and how in summer it’s constantly cold.

I miss Summer, miss out on Summer but she was an alien, I hope Lien is doing good too, bro bro always knew the good food.

Back at uni now linking up with Rasta but I got God with me now so I never forget to Neil.

I say prayers and you all in em, roll with Christ is what I say to the niggas when they leave the party like I hope JC stay widdem.

I hope LC don’t lose faith and realise that a life in pursuit of dreams means more than a life of Capital action, in a race up Capitol hill.

Could never be a corporate fat cat, my mum does good not to build up her karma but in hopes that her children need it.

Someone help em like that touched me, restructured my hustle, like that fcuked me.

Soo soo selfish, in a race for the best possible life neglecting that fact I leave it all behind when I die.

Living in the past remembering the good times with dotty, forgetting that experiences brought and bought me priceless things like did you steal em?

I have gems in my head like seeing the sunrise through the trees as the brodie and I walked through the forests in Keele.

50502 - 27/12/21

How can the motto be ‘Aim for success always’?

That means by whatever means necessary I have no choice but to attain greatness.

By whatever means necessary, taking on each path going all ways.

Oh my days are numbered, shunned on by society and doing my best not to become a statistic.

In Derek Walcott square there's a statue that I looked up to, looking to be immortalised like you cause we are both sons and daughters of St. Lucia.

I love the land that gave us birth, treading the earth building up experience, oh the futility of being a mortal being.

Oh the ecstasy and melancholy, these words that I impart to you are still folly, I have yet to find the truth.

I have yet to complete a book, bouncing between soliloquies and memoirs, my father yearns for A Shortcut Through Manhattan.

I will make it happen, I have but one gift to give him.

My Father blessed me, so I have one gift to praise him.

958473 - 14/02/22

I know my days are numbered, I dance toward the light as I’m hit by euphoria.

Now that I am all numbed up, my sums up, did I make it to 3 score and 10?

All I ever did was pick up and place down the pen.

I’ve lived in two penitentiaries, the first the world around me, the later the world onto me.

Oh to be or not to be, was I unsuccessful due to the world or due to my work?

Was what I wielded a blunt tool or was it dumbed down due to the shade of my hue?

I daydream memoirs, if soliloquies were anymore vivid they’d be written in blood.

My mind is my cross, these dreads are my crown of thorns and I’ll bare them till I am nothing more.

< a human, who’s been told to work twice as hard as his peers to get there.

I have a heavy heart that often aches, my psyche keeps the life in me as I trade it away in deals of unequal exchange.

I know duality, I’ve lived in the sky and the ocean at the same time.

I’m a giant, call me Heinz, here are some beans, plant it.

Our planet, one life and dreams to achieve, climb it.

253940 - 22/02/22

Pedal pedal pedal, with each rotation I find rhythm, with every yard gained another petal decays.

What the fuck is this cadence?

Playing dare to make it, dare to fake it with these roses, my life is a book of clay.

My death will be a flurry of ashes, I used to look up to Brian Lara, I now get power from Psalms 91.

I can do all things through Christ that gives me strength, I’m ments and off my head, I should use Jet to calm down.

I should fly around the world in 80 days, I’ve only interacted with life about 8 different ways.

I’ve greeted little miss with spite, anger, love, lust, determination, fear, gratitude and a fuck that mood.

Always neglecting faith, I’ve grown closer to Allah with conversations with Saif like we are so far from being saved, so outnumbered.

I’m fighting 999 vs 1, a guppy tryna swim but the sea of Galilee dried up on me, you were full about a minute ago.

So much cannon fodder, on the brink of war and I’m just tryna stack my player fodder.

I’m tryna finish this squad building challenge, started with Miguel, Kevon, Terrel and Ronel.

I transitioned to Kaylem, Caleb Abel and Manny. I’m now at Salkey, Branny Dom and Mets. I got LC Kords SQ, Jake & DK.

Oh how metamorphic, the pressure, atmospheric changes and condensation done a number on my cranium, I wouldn’t be here without y'all.

39505 - 25/02/22

Coughing up blood.

I’ll take the feather pen and dab it on my tongue, then start writing to you this letter from the heart.

Signed with my passion and existence.

Baby I’m fading, in a state of loosing myself, I’ve done died and reincarnated about 3 times already.

I’ve been so many people, now I’m becoming the one that matters most, the one I want to bee.

I don’t need your honey, this life has many flowers, I know many ways to extract nectar.

I promise the next time I see her I’ll finish inside her.

Oh the crystallisation, my heart is frozen solid like Annie Leonhart.

I love so profusely and brightly, I’ve got a neon heart.

Amelia Earhart, let's fly around the world together, 9 months later let's settle as we raise and create love in our own image.

124578 - 27/02/22

LIVING LEGEND & IF I WERE TO DIE RIGHT NOW, THOSE I’VE TRULY INTERACTED WITH, IN THEIR HEARTS I’LL LIVE FOREVER.

IK MY DAYS ARE NUMBERED, YAHWEH PROMISED 3 SCORE AND 10 BUT I MIGHT NOT MAKE IT DUE TO UNHEALTHY DECISIONS.

I KNOW RIGHT AND I KNOW LEFT, I SEE THE SUN RISING IN THE EAST I KNOW IT'S HEADED WEST.

I CHOOSE WRONG BECAUSE RIGHT IS SYNONYMOUS WITH WHITE, I COULD NEVER DO GOOD DUE TO THE PIGMENT AND HUE.

MORAL MAN BATTLING MORTALITY, YOU DIE TWICE IN THIS LIFE, I HOPE THEY NEVER CEASE TO MENTION MY NAME.

THE FIRST WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS, THE SECOND WHEN THE THOUGHT OF ME STOPS BEING ENOUGH FOR YOU TO MENTION ME.

I'M ALWAYS STEAMING, DAYTIME OCCUPATION STUDENT, BY NIGHT I'M DOING UP CHIMNEY SWEEP.

MY HEART COULD WEEP FOR EONS, I’LL SOON BE LIKE ELON. I HAVE NO ASPIRATIONS OF WEALTH, I HOPE TO CRUISE THROUGH SPACE WITH MY X.

NOT LITTLE MISS I LEFT IN THE PAST, BUT WHERE YOU DIG FOR TREASURE THAT THEM PIRATES LEFT.

ME AND MY ONE PIECE, I GAVE D. BEST OF ME, I GAVE D. ALL OF ME.

LL - 27/02/22

Coughing up my Guts, that shit hurts a lot.

I feel like I’ve been branded.

Band of the Hawk, more like band of the blues, I used to rep Carouge.

I used to fight Eagles, I used to spend my energy for more than me.

Now I’m besides myself doing more for me.

The development, the effervescence, how can you hype to no evidence?

You get gassed at sentence structures denoting mental fluctuations.

What a poor sense of accomplishment and imagination.

How are you supposed to reach the kids and change the nation if its soo subjective to you?

You take locomotives to commute, you’d be part of a train too.

The fine women around you have always been a local motive.

Commodore sin, come adore being an imperfect being.

Conductor of all energy, CALL ME E=MC2 YOU CAN NEVER DISPERSE ME.

Kaspersky you know I keep my inter-net secure.

No Man's Sky, Cass persistently got his head in the clouds.

I keep those around me as a safety net.

I hope I never fall to far, I hope I never weigh too much.

I’m not trying to fuck up the stitches on that safety mesh.

39494* - 02/03/22

Growing tired of bitches, I’m a cat person.

This 9-5 is getting weary, I might have to trade reception for sandy dunes.

I might have to fly out to the beaches soon.

Sun kissed skin, natty dreads, you know they’re sun bleached too.

Sum beat you huh? Them days been adding up.

I’m added up, your body count don’t matter ma.

I told her add her all, force my memory.

Been living with the side effects of adderall lately.

I got an increased heart rate, I’m getting more headaches and my stomach stay upset.

I’m irritable as fuck, I’m a people person, I shouldn’t be soon irrational.

I got rashes too, metaphorically speaking.

My melanin is broken, I should hand out my skin routine.

I should hand you my heart, it’s precious.

Stay away from my psyche, its messy.

I got a good confidant in Salkey.

Caught that L, he gave me an arm.

Alarms ringing like I better bell Lamar.

Like I got a bro in Manny, that has two meanings.

I got Waseem and Hodaif, I’m Saif.

You could never sully, I got my nigga Sule.

MY NIGGA, PHILIPPIANS 4:13, I’M ABEL.

010422 - 01/04/22

Days and time are iffy, I’m jif, you spread me I’m breaded.

Would you spare a circus elephant a few peanuts?

I’m unleaded, I hope I’m the right kind of fuel, I be gassed off life.

I get lost in the moment and get high at times.

Burning passion, an existential battle, a lethargic attitude and addictive personality.

Looking in the mirror I see dark skin, black dread with the tint, a crooked nose with the left nostril pierced and in my eyes I see sin.

My forehead to the right is scarred, I’ve got a moustache of black a goatee and chinstrap that won't connect.

Bottom lip fuller than the top, I can talk a lot but I listen most. I often boast, BEST TO EVER DO IT! to myself, I’m too introverted, the world should hear me.

I’m too overrated, overwhelmed and life is too overpriced like I should go easier on myself - nah that ain’t good enough.

The bar is Alpha Centauri, your head is barely Mount Fuji, you’re black the bar is ever evading.

How could they relate to you, your passions are fugazi. Wine, women, experience, spirituality, psychology and philosophy.

You ain’t Pushin P, you don't love paper. If you could buy true love, you’d pay her.

84849 - 13/04/22

Money is no substitute for memories, I will achieve fortune and fame so why am I relishing in this agony?

Mom and sis are at mine cooking and I’m sleeping, I’m so fucking empty.

I need fucking feeding.

Y'all made bakes and aqua.

I HOPE YOU KNOW I DON'T TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED.

i be selfish.

All these thoughts of repayment, I should start with the little actions.

I should stop self satisfaction, it's my fault I’m tired. I’ll make more sacrifices.

237484 - 18/04/22

Rose garden, a bouquet of flowers and the morning after.

Rest in peace, I’m throwing up deuces, I hope I don’t seem facetious.

I pray their soul lives forever, they’re no longer here but you still keep them in your prayers.

All those flowers round the casket, rigour mortis has set in, yet my heart is malleable like play dough.

Trying to fit the shape, the hole you left was a circle, I be surrounded by squares and triangles.

Scoring touchdowns, scoring tries, we’re all playing games with our meagre little lives.

Unaware of the sands of time, I speak with Ryuk.

He said ‘look, I won't let you know when you’ll die, but I will say this.

Your absence of motivation means you’re already not alive.’

Sans existence, being a Sword and Sandal gladiator would suit me better.

329395 - 22/04/22

STRUGGLING TO PUT INTO WORDS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

STUCK WAITING IN VAIN, STUCK WITH GLUE AND JAM.

I SNIFF IT TO GET HIGH, MY BLOOD IS HONEY, I EAT SUGAR TO PURIFY ME.

I’M LOST AND FRUSTRATED, I’M FLUSTERED AND I'M FAMISHED.

I'M FARMING, WHAT? IDK. SO MUCH YARN AND STRING, MAYBE I CAN CROCHET MY FEELINGS.

GIVE YOU A JUMPER OF MY TEARS AND A SCARF CRAFTED BY MY INSANITY.

I USED TO SUCK MY MIDDLE AND RING FINGER AS I CLUTCHED MY BLANKY.

CLUTCHING MY HEAD, SHE'S CLUTCHING HER BAG. ARE YOU ANTAGONISING ME TO ROB YOU?

DOING MY BEST TO NOT ADHERE TO STEREOTYPES. ANOTHER ANGRY BLACK MAN, JUST IN TIME.

JUST IN SPACE, I'M JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND THE NUMBERS DRAW NEARER.

I’m playing NieR:Automata. MY GREY MATTER IS SLIPPING INTO NOTHINGNESS, I WANT NOTHING LESS.

HOW MANY MORE SENTENCES WILL YOU ALLOW ME TO DENOTE?

SUICIDE BOMBER, I’LL DO A CANNONBALL AND DETONATE UNDERWATER.

MY HEAD IS SUBMERGED, I'VE ALREADY SAID THAT LEICESTER IS 72 METRES ABOVE SEA LEVEL.

SPIRIT LEVELS COULDN’T CALL MY PLANE EVEN.

SPIRIT MEASURES, GIVE ME A DOUBLE, THEN DOUBLE THAT.

940400 - 24/04/22

Haunted by memories.

Today is Miguel's birthday and I could recall just as easily our time at Wawa’s preschool.

Walking down that road to Odsan.

I turned round and waved to you and your mother like the homies going to the same school as me.

We’ve graduated from poking crab eyes after it rained and jumping over that giant gutter.

I’m sorry I sucked in goal when we played Anse-La-Raye at football.

I cant believe we put yogurt on doritos and really bullied Glenis and the other chick on the bus.

I wonder if you remember ‘zouce,’ the brodie said it was cheese but I ain't believe.

You remember that bastard Eric and how her graduated from a bus to a coach?

I missed out on Hess huh?

I missed out on St. Lucian bad bitched like I really missed out on memories.

You live in my mind rent free bro, plotting on more time with.

Man makes plans and God laughs like I pray he dont turn his back on us like Kevon.

I still remember you riding up on that Mangoose while I got my haircut.

I remember Shevonna crying when she and her friend were supposed to go to separate schools.

I shoulda hugged you hard and long, I know about true separation.

I got your back forever son,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAMILY, I LOVE YOU FOREVER!

0000384 - 25/04/22

Observing as the world rolls past, everyone is quantifiable by shapes.

That view lacks creativity, adding colour to their anatomy, they aimed to add life to silhouettes.

Take that knife and drive it in, cutting through me like putty.

Calling my mum’s sister aunty Muddy.

If mom calls you mother, then you be my second grandmother, mumma two.

I'm a broken record, I keep on mentioning and mentioning, I should start a petition and get angels to sign it.

I'm back to dot-2-don't and colouring in the blanks.

I always preferred my women nude.

You look good with just a light touch of that matte lipstick.

I might lick this, the gums sticky now so I’ll seal this letter with a candle wax kiss.

I’m waxed off, laying there like a mannequin with my hat off.

My heads sore and inflated, caps won't fit.

I'd be capping too if I said that I didn’t have this.

Had it like it's handled, rubbing in them bumps and knots with soft candle I’m brother Derek.

I’m sister bee selling sweets, my nigga I’m Cynthia.

I live across the street and I’m Stacey’s grandmother.

399949 - 01/05/22

Fake love, I’m constantly frustrated.

Calling me up on my actions, how many positives do you hear about me?

I’m battling melancholy and I ensure your guests are greeted with a smile.

I’m wasting my life.

Denying my psyche gratitude, my attitudes raise questions of how am I in employment?

I should work for myself, I should work on myself.

Questions of self love, would old you allow that?

So nonchalant, why do I even share my perspectives?

Why do I fucking even entertain you?

I have no intentions of trust, I can't tame you.

Dealing with Tiama, this life is a play and these many segments be me speaking with myself.

I call it soliloquies, in moments of doubt I converse with myself.

Now I’ve got Chuck Taylors on, the floors in my room are carpet, it’s beginning to smell like reefer.

I’m constantly rolling papers, my head's in the clouds.

I’ll forever archive my emotions.

I've got a half sister in Lauralee, I hope Merlianne considers me a brother.

I’m so fucking tired, this must be how my Russian mrs feel about me.

It runs deep, that sickle cell.

Coughing from behind reception, I’m trapped in this mental cell.

I see the world going past, I know it lacks depth.

376745 - 05/05/22

I reached out to my Odsan niggas.

There is not a day that through REM I don't seen you niggas.

Dreaming and placing my thoughts on the clouds, I miss the simpler times where we could just be boisterous.

I’m constantly off that loud pack, I should pack it in and move, I’m bored of this view now.

Castulus the violist through sheer luck had two gigs, one called AJG held in Astries, Ura was held in Exon.

The passion in the performance, the mundane space that existed after multiple encores, still en route to the core.

Habits and contradictions, like the universe expanding and being pulled towards the great attractor.

The dark matter which I am exists solely in the light, in the abyss of space where it's always night I flourish.

Rumination of the psyche, how could I sike me? 'I love you kid, SIKE!

You’ll be the best ever kid!

Just do like Mike, take it personal.

This more than food for thought, our conversation was a meal deal, it meant a lot to a homeless nigga like me.

It meant the world to a nomad, who no matter how mad would never give up his life.

595005 - 17/06/22

If my favourite nigga ever is dead, I would like to know the point of existence if when we go I can’t take the bread?

Leave it too long and that yeast will see that mould grows, and so too, we grow old.

If habits define the cycle, then how does one break the habitual nature of man?

Holding hands, we’re holding onto the bonds that keep us solid.

Without them, I’d be invisible, ‘Hello can you hear me? Hello, can you hug me?’

Shrugging off my feelings, I’m meagre living.

Living for the weekend and time off. If only I could carry on, mind lost.

I know guidance, the Lord is my Shepherd and a false sense of salvation my tether.

I’ll peel apricots while I next sit next to my grandmother, God willing.

Man makes plans and you laugh, I once made a stance and then crumbled.

Apple is my least favourite fruit, I’ll like the grape juice off her feet, I know a fools treat.

I know about temptation, I’ve been led astray by the devil.

I’ve been led astray by my melancholy, parting in sin to feel whole when I am holy.

25 now so that means that my prefrontal cortex is keeping me rational.

003849 - 22/06/22

Loud and boisterous, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

The fruits of your labour and existence are sometimes misunderstood.

I hear your voice, I see your views.

Society calls you my father, I call you daddy.

You did for sis and me like that was all you needed.

Selfless as ever, I’m selfish constant asking favours of you.

Please remain around long enough so I can repay you.

My prayers fall short, I wish I could constantly be near you.

Asking the Lord for protection and guidance, he kept it benign even as it surrounded you.

Now this kids knees are bruised, realising that my days are numbered.

My time with you is even shorter and here I am chasing chicks in shorts.

I think of you a lot, I should call more often.

You’ll be the first name I mention, I’ve never had a bigger fan.

I love you just as much as my grandmother.

I’ve said it time and time again, son of Castulas.

And so, Cass too lusts. And so, I journey on with a Shortcut to Manhattan being brought to the forefront of my works.

Hoping to ensure that you live forever.

I will make you cry tears of joy and laughter.

This the last bastion, it’s the first chapter.Just starting the battle, Sun Tzu’s got tactics for days.

Your son too will keep numbering his days.

This is 20475.

20475 - 03/07/22

Father father, alpha and omega.

I was ahead of myself and failing to catch breath.

My earthly father grows weary.

Asking you to be near him, I want nothing more.

Asking he lives 3 score and 10.

Take the difference from my lifespan should you need it.

He believes in me and I in you. Won’t you help me actualise his views?

A shortcut through Manhattan, trying to find the shortest routes to his vision.

I’m wallowing in being a bad son.

This is but a slither of the disappointment felt on missing out on an after life.

After life, Castulas will love on past Cass.

For Cass too lusts, that he gave up his one and only eternal life.

For Castulas so lost to sin, you number his days and test the strength of his character.

999494 - 06/12/22

Father, I want to thank you for my father.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Why am so tempted by forbidden fruit?

Morality and mortality share the same root.

Taking steps towards greatness, taking steps towards death.

The seed of thought germinated, in the case of C it was deemed terminal.

What if he doesn’t see? I’ve lost my biggest fan.

My light flickers like the flame of a candle in the wind.

Cassim stems from the root word, Castulas.

The one who distributes, how can I lust so much?

9499595 - 20/12/22

The distance in reality it so close, yet so far like cornstarch and water.

When touched lightly, soft and pushed with force, hard.

Inspiration is a gift and I hope the exchange is an equivalent brothers in insanity.

Combined in the will to survive but survival is our direction, right?

You wrote one for me, so it’s only right I return the favour.

like marmite, our flavour is an acquired taste something only few will endear singularly.

We will never seek approbation.

The veracity of your words are uncanny and touching bringing my distance to reality.

Thank you.

5424734 - 18/01/23

Doing a lot is revealing.

Words constantly fall short, if only I could act what I said.

She heard the accent when I spoke, ‘Oh you’re from sadness?’ she said.

Breaking bread with butter in toast to us getting here.

Thanks-for-giving me this moment, I be on a pilgrimage.

Summer’s round the corner, will I make it to India by December?

In search of someone pretty, Sumanpret’s from Derby and I’m in debt.

I owe myself more, I should pay myself more.

Je suis en Angleterre et ma tête est à Sainte-Lucie.

88843 - 11/02/23

Ashes to ashes, we should go from England to Australia.

I’ve got heaven in my arms while in the ocean, the great barrier lay beneath us.

Please lay reaves at my feet, I will provide bouquets through this meagre existence.

Plenty of fish in the sea yet I remain snorkelling through the reefs trying to find nemo.

Staring at sea anemone thinking if I smiled would they see a mend in me?

She wants to see the world with me while I stare into her cosmos.

My father will soon return to dust, and thus my fathers burdens become mine.

AJG stems from the seed, and so too Cas-tu-lus.

488595 - 24/02/23

Dearly beloved, those who loved me dearly and those in spite.

The fact remained we could never settle our differences.

I lay here to rest, thank you for making my meagre existence so purposeful.

I would mention you all, I have mentioned you all in my writings.

The house may crumble, but the foundation will remain forever.

To those I promised ‘Till death do us part’ I journey on ahead in preparation for our next stead.

The next step, I’m on the ladder to ascension.

Please remember to give my name a mention, I’ll ensure you all live forever.

In memory of me, think happily ever after.

Please think of the tears, pain is synonyms with living.

Remember the happiness and smiles, they made all the dark moments worth it.

I hope I convey how passionate and wonderful living is.

Especially when you all were within my vicinity.

The good you saw in me was because of you.

The bad you saw in my was me acting out on the thought that I could do without you.

120* - 11/03/23

I almost missed it.

Cancelled and delayed, go back to resting your head.

The love you hope to see and the ocean you wish to be a part of.

Placing it on a star, my problems orbit around her.

Black people are lazy once they stopped working for free.

I’m selfish because I won’t give myself wholeheartedly.

Running a thematic analysis, running through trials and tribulations.

‘I no longer want you,’ my heart skipped a beat.

I’m finally free.

Tresemme, Pantene, L’oreal.

All these conditioners yet the thought of you flakes off my scalp like dandruff.

And you wonder why everyone of them done ran off.

And I wonder why our relationship was so tumultuous.

And now I wonder if mouth service was all we was.

Knowing that I’ll live happily ever after with the thought of what was once.

8474937 - 21/03/23

From Essaouria to Taghazout.

Getting at the locals for info on obtaining a zoot.

Hoping to secure a bed, a shared taxi took me from Tamraghte to Aourir.

Observing as Morocco rolls past.

How much of it resonates with the sense of home I’ve lost?

Asking me, myself and I,

Have we lost the plot or does the picture grow clearer?

I want more than our feeble imagination could conjure for us.

Stars as vivid as diamonds, at the skate park we mapped out Orion’s Belt.

How many more lashes?

The waves break against my head as tears stream down my face.

Adding to the oceans salt content.

Twice she could have added my name to the obituary list.

At Desborough we studied the ‘Moon on the Tides’ in geography and english.

The cycle brought me back to the beginning where it could have all ended.

Being baptised and saved by Christ.

Being called Cassim yet being synonymous with sin.

The locals fast and in the evening the Imam preaches over the Mosques PA system

478944 - 26/03/23

Campfire sitting, the flames flicker in the wind.

The skatepark overlooked the ocean, the red ash blows in the breeze.

Gotta catch ‘em all, which experiences do I internalise the most?

The beach gave me a sense of relief that the ocean doesn’t have a vendetta against me.

She loves indiscriminately, she takes indiscriminately.

Being surrounded by the many nationalities made me realise that there exist harmony.

The red tips could be seen as the voices harmonise.

Asking sparken de Deutsch?

You pass the doutchy pon the left hand side.

Marta’s on my right asking will I have Tagine or a burger?

Teasing me as usual, teasing me like my mother would.

Testing myself is all I could, I see the contractions of battling self.

77785869 - 26/03/23

What is the weight of living?

I passed it onto my brother.

Him and I are of no blood relation, yet reality deemed us family.

Perspectives show similarities and with shared experiences we extend a hand to help.

Kicking while you’re down, I aim to build you up.

Your son will have his father in his life.

The ball doesn’t fall far from your feet.

Congratulations on life, graduating through strife.

I know them knives in the back hurt.

Calling out false idols, what is love if you don’t understand?

Going through the motions.

You battle with being a moral man and the reality that your mortality is inescapable.

You should slow down, how many more through balls you got?

Scoring goals, I see your reps and toil.

Working the soil, you aim to provide nutrients.

Realising that father and foundation are synonymous.

Doing suicides, between the bylines, by-ran till he threw up.

Remembering that the square root of SQ is greatness.

Wanting nothing but immortality with ensuring that my loved ones live longer.

7484840 - 30/04/23

DK said slow down.

How could I?

5 weeks is around the corner and I don’t move my pen swiftly enough.

Wishing him well is the bare minimum.

I want the world for SQ, so I could only want the universe for SJ.

Hoping he surpasses his dad, ensuring the senior never ceases moving.

Never stop growing, 6’1, sick one, I’ve got your children covered.

When he’s born introduce me as ozone layer.

If you’re ever gone, I’ll have them know it was against your will.

Leaving a legacy, yours was written in DNA.

DO NOT ACCEPT a mediocre existence, our parents had that before us.

Fucking Gods, creating stars and attempting to heal scars.

It’s’ the first steps of a mortal man.

Solving the sphinx’s riddles, you were once on 4, you had her on all 4 2.

Playing centre back, centre mid, you’re the spine of the team.

Leading by example, making 2 footed tackles.

By 3 legs make sure you’re surrounded by loved ones and grandchildren.

8208 - 30/04/23

What is pain?

He responded, ‘Yes uncle, Shinra Tensei.’

Living in the moment, wanting to love yet pushing people away.

Oh so emzy, beating cases with no comment.

Trying to arrange the charges in alphabetical order.

Brodies fumbling with a bag of m&ms.

Confiding in each other, moving diagonally across the black squares.

I’ll sacrifice myself before I see you get checkmated.

Call me bishop.

Fights between being a moral man or jumping on demon time, knowing you go by christian.

Going by cole knowing that the world is colder yet wanting to give it your warmth.

Save your embers emris, it is and isn’t worth it.

From oonaturalz to misfit24thstreet, don’t worry the fans will soon scream suckmytitties.

I hope your minds stuck on dreams, love took your sanity once.

Opps and violence took the lives of loved ones and I know everyday the world tests your resolve to carry on.

Go on, death is within our destiny.

Whether we make it is within our two hands, Van Gogh painted those of the peasants.

24thStreet - 24/05/23

Everything comes to an end.

My brother is alpha, I’m sigma.

He owns Omega and Rolex’s.

I’m hoping that our saviour goes easy on us.

Surrounded by 3 betas, the ganged up and called the police.

Such weaklings, they should know I’m SS.

I be here with super sayings.

The tyrant in me would never retreat from death.

I left a note for SJ saying to never be scared.

It’s within our destiny, with your hands craft your own reality.

Being around loved ones made me realise that the love I’d garnered outside was faux.

It would hurt less if they threw buckets of blood on my fur.

Knowing that weakness begets resent, I fight against the only person I’ll ever lose against.

Myself.

Despicable me, you should meet my alter ego Felonious Gru.

Taking the ma’ in machismo, I should aim to be a man of courage like Throfinn.

Knowing that puffins and seagulls are sea birds, I should take her to sea world.

9461205* - 31/05/23

Unwilling to ask twice.

I was left with me, myself and I.

At the circus eating popcorn and for a moment I was left thoughtless.

Seeking to be knighted while shrouded in darkness.

I’m already sir Cass, you should see me walk the tightrope.

My trope ensured that I could never tie rope.

I had hope you’d offer assistance when requested.

Now we’re at a distance, my quest took me in a different direction.

The Legend of Zelda, the one I let get away.

My GameBoy Advance is here but you know I game in Colour.

SP-eak to me, you know I be in the PS party with SQ.

He’s like a shrink to me.

Why is my psychiatrist and I in fierce competition?

Confiding sins, building trust and rapport.

CRB came back clean, you should see my rap sheet.

Wrap it up please, she doesn’t want kids.

Wrap it up kid, your feelings are wasted.

6895884 - 26/06/23